REMIX | i love berlin
i just realized it's been 3 weeks since i last wrote here. it's been almost 4 months since i last posted a 'remix' post with a life update of sorts.
i'm gonna try and catch up on that a bit, even though it probably makes no difference.
i've been in Berlin for almost 5 months now. wow.
even though it might seem like i'm having the time of my life now, the truth is it's been a very hard time. since arriving here, i've been struggling with my own mental health quite a lot, which was both caused and worsened by this uncertain Berlin lifestyle i have. suddenly, a lot of simple tasks have become everyday battles. it took me 5 months to finish a single book. i started watching a TV series and spent a lot of time procrastinating; which is something i had always been very resentful of. my diet was suddenly made up of instant noodles, up to that point when i almost fainted at a festival because my body was just not nourished enough to cope. at the same time, i was having two (unpaid, of course) internships at once and a lot of visitors in my room in a flat i shared with a very toxic flatmate. i also took over Kink.cz and had to write an internship report for uni (and travelled to Copenhagen twice because of it). i changed my hairstyle and started wearing mom jeans instead the tightest ones you can get. i moved from Neukölln to Friedrichshain, and from Friedrichshain to Wedding. at times, i would only listen to cheesy Czech songs from the 00s on repeat. i once wrote to my diary (yes, i started writing a diary, and neglected that too): 'i have become all i've ever hated.' even though i know this is definitely not true and that this is just a passing phase of my life, there is something to it.
now that i've finished all the 9 series of that TV show and my body physically craves fresh veggies when looking at the shiny instant noodles packaging; now that i've finished both my internships and passed my exam and i am about to write my Bachelor thesis; now that i've met a lot of great and talented people and going out and not meeting anyone i know feels weird (and not the other way around, like it used to be); now that i finally have a permanent place to stay, now that i've managed Kink for a while and can feel proud when looking on the front page; i feel like something has to change.
i still have no idea what i will do next (well i know i will be visiting a lot of sex shops because my BA thesis is about queering sex shop advertising), but i have a feeling it's gonna figure itself out.