03/07/2015

BODY IMAGE | exposure & coverage



it would be stupid to write profound articles about body image and not to tell you about my very own issue i have been experiencing lately.

well, well, well,
my problem simply is the inability to expose my skin when going out. (meaning leaving my place, not partying etc.)
it is not about revealing my body though, i've never had any issue with wearing short clothes and being deemed a 'slut' for that (this will never end), but i have a serious issue with not having any fabric on my skin. to make it more understandable, i don't mind wearing hotpants or mini skirts as long as i wear tights under them. i don't mind wearing a see-through shirt without a bra as long as the shirt has long sleeves. and so on. as long as i have some fabric on my skin, i'm fine.
when i don't... um, well, i simply don't do that. i am literally unable to leave the house with my body not covered. legs are the worst, the idea of wearing a skirt or shorts with bare legs is killing me.
it makes me extremely uncomfortable.
to be clear, i don't detest my legs or my body shape in general. i basically stopped caring about it quite a while ago; and that's why this is so surprising to me.
i'm not ashamed of my body.
i just can't handle how much 'approachable' my skin is when it's uncovered.

i guess that's it.
i am overly sensitive to the fact that so many things could touch my bare skin, maybe it's caused by living in the dirty cities as Prague and Berlin are, maybe it's caused by the years of being catcalled by disgusting men on the streets, maybe it's caused by my own exaggerated sense of hygiene.

anyways, i don't know what to do with it.
i am trying and trying, every single day, trust me, but i simply can't overcome it.
i even got a not-very-nice heatstroke a few days ago and almost fainted at a concert because of wearing too much in this Berlin heat, but i couldn't ditch my long clothes the next day.
i managed to wear a short-sleeved t-shirt at least, but it made me very nervous indeed.
i have found a great love to black turtlenecks which i'm endlessly repeating in my outfits; and i wear them so often that i sometimes forget my arm is full of tattoos because i simply don't see them that much.
the whole thing is really bothering me, yet i have no idea how to solve it.
trying to expose my skin brings me pre-panic-attack feelings.
i feel extremely vulnerable and want to cry.
fuck this shit.

what should i do?

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