i'm sorry for publishing posts much more rarely than usually, i finally got into a writing mood and i'm progressing with my final exam > no time for blogging.
i have a lot stuff i'd like to write about, but i don't have the time to do so, oh well.
anyways, here are a few analogue pics i completely forgot about.
01: blossoming trees in Opava
02: found the seashell i bought in Italy when i was 7 years old
03: when i forgot my camera at P's place
04: my mum cut my hair
05: stolen flowers
06: G. in Opava
07: Zlin Design Week
08: M. i-don't-know-when
09: PRG room
all i did today was ordering train tickets, having a 3-hour-long Skype call w/ A. and putting a work-fucking-harder playlist together.
i haven't done the work though.
Adela Chloe's hashtag #thesiscrisis is a a very punctual description of my life atm.
anyways, listen to this mixtape that i listen to when i actually work.
it's industrial punk rock drone electro.
lately, i've been often thinking about my stay in Reutlingen.
not that i would like to go back, hell no.
still, it feels so strange that i spent so much time there (4 months) and i might never come back.
wait, that's not the thing i guess.
what feels weird is remembering the whole part of my life.
it was so strange, so bizarre.
i will always remember it as a cold place. cold winter temperatures. cold hearts in people's chests. cold cobblestones on the main street i took every day on the way from school but never learnt the name of.
i felt cold while running through those nameless streets, while sitting on a bus around the countless gripped faces, while gazing at the surrounding hills, while passing the tall church in the middle of the town, scared to death at 2 AM after coming back from a concert in Esslingen, while sitting at 'home' at the absolute end of the town.
i remember i felt awful.
and that i sort of gave up. i stayed, i resigned, i waited. the city felt familiar yet so foreign at the same time.
but i felt lost all the time.
and now i feel like, somehow, this lost part of mine still wanders those cold corners of the Southern German town.
or as if i lost a part of my life there, and i want this part back.
but i'm not planning to come there again.
is this why i keep on returning there in my dreams?
i took this picture on the last day of my stay in Reutlingen. i was waiting for a bus to Stuttgart and listening to How Did I Die by Einstürzende Neubauten. i looked at the pink sky over the hill, remembered all the times i saw the same view through the window in my dorm room; and felt empty. i thought about all the beautiful Danish skies that were waiting for me and shivers went down my spine. i knew i was leaving. it felt strange. i was not relieved, i was not excited, i just felt empty and resigned. then the bus arrived.
i never published the picture until now.
i never deleted it from my phone.
it just needed to be let out.