I CAN'T DRAW | buy me try me

2017-06-18 17.45.22IMG_2176 22017-06-18 17.15.46

you might have noticed on my Instagram already – i've set up my own online shop, yay! i've been selling my stickers from time to time for a while now, and as i've got into quite a difficult financial situation lately and i thought it could be a good way to earn some extra money by doing what i really like.

those who follow me on Instagram already know a bit about what's been happening lately, but if you're interested in the full story, keep on reading.

since moving out of my country 4 years ago, i've been living on somewhat tight budget. i'd say i'm actually pretty responsible when it comes to finances; i keep records of all my expenses in an Excel sheet and try hard to only buy things i really need. but if there's one thing i've learnt throughout my life, it's that money comes and goes. and most often, it only goes but never really comes back.

and that's exactly my situation right now. i've invested in some projects that didn't pay off, i trusted a few people i shouldn't have, and now my bank account's feeling really lonely and empty.

"ugh, get a job!" you say? well, of course i would love that. but i guess we all know that it's not that easy. i'm not gonna go into lengthy essays about the Berlin job market and expat life, but i want to address that, unfortunately, i am not in a state to have a proper job. my mental health is still quite a mess, i just recently started meds which still haven't properly adjusted, and i know i cannot give any job all i have to offer. right now, i would not be a good employee.

it's not that i would just sit at home and loathe myself and do nothing though. no, i actually work quite a lot, but on projects that simply don't pay. why? because i believe they make sense. that they encourage change and establish community and help people. sure, they don't pay now, but maybe one day they will (fingers crossed). and, most of all, they are i m p o r t a n t.

but you know, i'm not completely useless. i make little illustrations which people seem to really like. i take still life pictures too. and perhaps, after years of giving my art away for free or for very little money, it's about time to try and make profits out of my skillz. let's milk the cash cow a bit, shall we?

of course, i know the times are tough for all of us. and i do realize i am no renowned artist exhibiting at Tate or MOMA or something. so that's why i'm selling (relatively) cheap. and that's why each item has several prices so that you can decide how much you're willing to pay me. all the prices match real products or services i pay for each month (some of them are small leisure time add-ons, though), so you know exactly where your money goes after it lands in my bank account. however, it definitely does not work on a "the more you pay, the better thing you get" basis, no. but i believe in these small gestures of support and care and i hope someone else does too.

i promise i am not trying to rip you off, or that i am not setting this store only to sustain my expensive bougie lifestyle. and to prove that, i have chosen this extremely honest and transparent approach to my sales. i'm sharing my monthly expenses with you. you can find a "needlist", consisting of extra-budget (yes, i have a monthly budget i try not to overdraft) things i need/want, ranked by how much i need them, on this website too. and i can assure you that as soon as i manage to get out of this financial shithole of sorts, i will invest all the profits to more less self-centred ventures, being it more and better items to be sold here, or supporting organizations or projects i believe in.

you can now buy stickers (the classic queer ones and new kinky ones too, yay), request a tattoo design or an illustration for your wall/laptop screen/to give to your friend/whatever, buy a print with some of my still life photos, or get a surprise drawing sent by email, drawn exclusively for you. each little purchase helps a lot, really. thank you all for the support throughout the good and bad times for such a long time now, i really appreciate it! ❤



ANALOG | disposable mar

(i know i haven't posted for ages)

some old analog photos i only got to develop now. i've got another roll of film from March, but it's not finished yet.
K visiting. P visiting. trip to Usti nad Labem. trip to Vienna.
nice memories from a rather awful time.

Wotruba Kirche in Vienna
such beauty!
Pictureplane + D at Gretchen
oops | T + P in Usti nad Labem
The Garden at Kantine
Wonhpark Alt-Erlaa in Vienna
Pictureplane at Gretchen

Usti nad Labem
K + D at a verni | M's toilet


GNDR | on menstrual hygiene, cups, and "well-intended" pressure

2017-03-16 12.38.33

tampons and pads are toxic!
tampons and pads are unhealthy!
tampons and pads pollute the environment!
tampons and pads are expensive!

yes, yes, yes, and yes; that’s all true and most of us are already informed about that. and we’re also told what measures to take to reduce or prevent all the risks. yes, there are menstrual cups that are cheap and eco-friendly and safe and so on and so on, and there are natural alternatives to regular tampons and pads – so, how the hell, aren’t you woke yet and throwing all the harmful menstrual hygiene products out of the window? how can you be such a disgraceful beast that’s just destroying our beautiful planet?

well, as many things, it ain’t that easy.
we’re told to use menstrual cups but our physical (dis)abilities, religious views, or personal beliefs are overlooked. we’re told to opt for natural, non-toxic products but our budgets or access to those items are not taken into account. yet again, even though this is supposed to be an alternative to a certain oppressive mainstream way of dealing with one’s period, one’s that’s more sensible and in certain ways queerer too, it adopts the same methods of oppression in the sense that it, again, pushes one approach to everyone regardless of their different needs.

now i am talking about my own experience; even though i have been a fan of menstrual cups and bought one several years ago, only recently i really started using it. unfortunately, the first one i got was not suitable for me at all – i had problems inserting it, its size was too big (even though it was supposed to be the smallest one, “suitable for virgins”), and the material was not comfortable either. i kept on using regular tampons, and even though i would have loved to be able to buy the natural, eco-friendly ones, i had to stick to the cheapest ones from a local drugstore because of my budget. articles about the toxicity of bleached menstrual hygiene products would be popping up all around my social media, my eco-conscious friends would give me weird looks, and the never really used menstrual cup would always be laying around in my closet, making me feel strange anytime i’d stumble upon it. i’d feel angry, and embarrassed of my own body for its inability to accommodate a cup everyone seemed so ok to be using. the more i felt pushed into using it, by both people around me and the endless media pressure, the more i felt stubborn not to use it again and quite sceptical and generally opposed to the whole menstrual cup hype. i really got excited about the period panties, but again, money was the issue.

well, after quite some personal trauma, i decided to give the cup another try, as you can buy them in pretty much any DM drogerie markt in Germany. when i first saw it, i noticed it was way smaller and much softer than the one i had, and after a bit of thinking, i got it. and, surprise surprise, it was absolutely ok this time! even though, due to certain physical restrictions i have, it’s still not the easiest to insert it, it’s definitely better and i stick to my own nice and smooth cup now.
here are two morals from my own story:
no. 1: it’s better to check how the cup looks when you’re buying a new one. the first one you buy might not fit you, and you might have to invest into another one. no vagina—and no body, per se—is the same and there are hundreds of sizes to choose from. the first one might not be working for you, but one eventually will, or maybe not, and that’s fine too.
no. 2: never ever think there’s something wrong with body if it doesn’t fit a certain standard or doesn’t do all the things it is “supposed” to do.

here’s the deal:
menstrual cups might not be for everyone, and that’s ok.
not everyone can afford natural menstrual hygiene products, and that’s ok.
some people might not want to stick anything up their vags, and that’s ok.
etc. etc. etc.
menstruation is already a lot of a unpleasant hassle thanks to how our society perceives and treats menstruating people, so putting them through even more shit is, in my opinion, just plain bullshit.

so, perhaps instead of trying to persuade everyone that there is only one (or just a few) eco way(s) to deal with your menstruation with no regards to one’s limitations and boundaries, we could rather demand those big brands to go more sustainable, and encourage more research on and development of new products that would be more ecological, safer, cheaper, and suitable for all bodies, ages, and so on. let’s not turn something that’s supposed to liberate us from the pressure of commercial brands into just another thing that uses manipulation and one-size-fits-all approach to achieve its goals.